Enough Already
This past week we were visited by a family member who is going through, well, HELL.
She's been married for 30+ years to a man that she went to high school with.
Early on he was "caught" with an STD. He told her an incredible story(which she chose to believe). A few years after that, another story. Many years after that she received a call from the police. Her husband had been arrested(in uniform, on duty)having sex with under aged boys across the border. He was fired. She believed him when he said they "weren't underage"(I guess that made it OK).
A few years after that, she received another call from the police. He had been arrested for DUI. The influence? Cocaine and heroin and to her horror, he tested HIV positive.
I'm all for hanging in there with someone who decides to be authentic and work hard on his issues. But that's not happening here.
The question for me: Is he gay, bi, or nothing less than a child molester.
The next question: Why would she bring him to our home when she doesn't know who or what he is.
I've been through many hells of my own, so I of course want to be supportive. Help me out here...what is she thinking? Why is she not asking questions? Why isn't she checking the police report? Why is she "babysitting" him?
What about his possible(and I think likely) victims?
I'm mad, angry really, disappointed, and wonder; is anyone healthy? Can anyone be trusted?
Does anyone stop and think what they are doing to themselves, to others? How much of this is personal choice?
I've tried understanding addiction. Sure I overeat, don't exercise enough, occasionally do things that I know I shouldn't(like watching and R rated movie). I've even started drinking diet Coke for the first time in my life. OK, I know, I'm pretty white bread these days. These are not life altering choices I'm making. No one is going to be devastated by them.
The truth is I can't imagine doing something that would destroy another person's life, or my own. (Believe me, I've tried becoming anorexic/bulimic. I just can't do it!)
Is that the difference between making a bad choice and having an addiction? Or is it more than that.
So I ask you: Should she continue to stay with him or run in the opposite direction as fast as she can.
When is enough enough?
She's been married for 30+ years to a man that she went to high school with.
Early on he was "caught" with an STD. He told her an incredible story(which she chose to believe). A few years after that, another story. Many years after that she received a call from the police. Her husband had been arrested(in uniform, on duty)having sex with under aged boys across the border. He was fired. She believed him when he said they "weren't underage"(I guess that made it OK).
A few years after that, she received another call from the police. He had been arrested for DUI. The influence? Cocaine and heroin and to her horror, he tested HIV positive.
I'm all for hanging in there with someone who decides to be authentic and work hard on his issues. But that's not happening here.
The question for me: Is he gay, bi, or nothing less than a child molester.
The next question: Why would she bring him to our home when she doesn't know who or what he is.
I've been through many hells of my own, so I of course want to be supportive. Help me out here...what is she thinking? Why is she not asking questions? Why isn't she checking the police report? Why is she "babysitting" him?
What about his possible(and I think likely) victims?
I'm mad, angry really, disappointed, and wonder; is anyone healthy? Can anyone be trusted?
Does anyone stop and think what they are doing to themselves, to others? How much of this is personal choice?
I've tried understanding addiction. Sure I overeat, don't exercise enough, occasionally do things that I know I shouldn't(like watching and R rated movie). I've even started drinking diet Coke for the first time in my life. OK, I know, I'm pretty white bread these days. These are not life altering choices I'm making. No one is going to be devastated by them.
The truth is I can't imagine doing something that would destroy another person's life, or my own. (Believe me, I've tried becoming anorexic/bulimic. I just can't do it!)
Is that the difference between making a bad choice and having an addiction? Or is it more than that.
So I ask you: Should she continue to stay with him or run in the opposite direction as fast as she can.
When is enough enough?
---------------------------------------------