The road most traveled

Another week, another reverie of what has passed and what yet might be. But for now, as always, work's challenge drives me on .

I disappear down the garage steps, hit the automatic door opener, and load my too heavy book bag, purse, and water bottle into the car. I pull out of the garage, when I realize that I haven't watered the flowers( a promise I made to Dale) . Pulling to the curb, I slip off my shoes and run barefoot to the hose. Hot and sweaty, I jump back in the car with wet feet.

It's another day. I'm on my way to work, only a 10-minute drive instead of the 30 minutes I did for so many years.

I consider listening to a talk show Curt told me about on AM radio, but it's too early to get serious...instead I'll make my usual call to Collette, my breath of freshness in the morning (how can any one person be so wonderful)?

For the moment, my only concern is finishing my morning make-up with one hand, while I maneuver up-and-down Highland drive, accelerating through the the gully until my signal is restored before I make the call.

Too soon, I pull into the parking garage, I wonder....."Where do I go from here?"

There have certainly been times when I felt stuck in a job I could barely tolerate....that's not the case any longer. I love what I do. It provides a large amount of personal satisfaction, opportunities to continue my education, and beyond my belief compensation.

But, it's the same...day after day. Stay up too late, wake up too early. Every day...the shower, the make-up, the 2o minutes doing my hair... clothes on, clothes off, finally deciding on an outfit, only to get out the door, and notice that it's just not working....back in the house, find a different skirt, or keep the skirt, but throw on a different top. Get home way too late, find too much to eat, crash on the couch, force myself to study, stay up too late, and start the same thing over again.

Is this really what I want out of life"?

No...I want to live in Rhode Island, on the beach with nothing to do but read good books, take long walks, get my health back, shave my head, tan my already sun ruined skin and never wear anything but cutoffs and a t-shirt for the rest of my life...

Instead, I open the car door, drag my too heavy book bag, purse and water bottle to the elevator and watch as the doors slowly close.

MKC

He said.....

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That'swhat we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thin king about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,or BASKETBALL.

1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Missing God and the old neighborhood

I'm not sure I understand this whole 'let's come to earth, get a body and see how we do thing'. There is so much pain here... and WE live in the better part of the world.

Why does there have to be desease, tragic accidents, murders, torturings...why all the violence. Isn't it enough to come here and try to live together in peace without all the drama and heartache?

Think how hard it is to just get along with the people you actually love...we complicate our lives with lies, deceit, abuse....we more often than not, treat the people we "love" with disregard.

It seems to me that we need a higher power as a guide to help us handle this experience in life. Why all the separation...is it not possible for us to grow in his light and presence?

And don't even get me started on our loved ones who are taken in death....What purpose does that fullfill? Just more heartache and sorrow... always the commings and goings....why can't we all be together, living and proving ourselves, without the partition?

Case in point: We know we should exercise, not overeat, not smoke, etc. but we still do. Do you really think that just because we know the beginning from the end that we would be different people and make different choices?

We are who we are....what is, is...and if we change, it's only because we want to change, not because we know any better. With or without God's presence, we will continue to be who we are....just look at Satan and the choices he made! He was in God's presence and he still was a butt.

....Life isn't fair and there is no great equalizer. There were greater people than me in heaven, and there's greater people than me here on earth. There are those who float through life with little heartache and those for who every single day is a challenge just to breathe. Where's the fairness? People are always playing catch-up... there is always someone better off than you and someone worse off.

How is it possible to ever feel good about yourself...you either haven't attained enough, or you have too much.

If God knows us from the beginning to the end then what is there to prove. He already knows the choices we're going to make...and I think we do, too.

So maybe we could just get on with things....

There...I feel much better now.


MKC

This I Believe

"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe." - St. Augustine -

As an infant, Helen Keller was struck by a fever that left her deaf and blind. But with the guidance of her teacher Anne Sullivan, she learned to communicate through the eyes and ears of others. After graduating from Radcliffe College, Keller became a renowned author, activist and lecturer. In sharing what she believes, she said:

“I choose for my subject faith wrought into life, apart from creed or dogma. By faith I mean a vision of good one cherishes and the enthusiasm that pushes one to seek its fulfillment regardless of obstacles.”

In the '50s there was a program called, 'This I Believe', it sought "to point to the common meeting grounds of beliefs, which is the essence of brotherhood and the floor of our civilization".

What a great concept... but ... how difficult it is for people to begin this task of developing respect for beliefs different from their own....and the truth is, very few people are able to find common ground.

I just saw a story on a young girl who had worked to achieve the honor of being valedictorian of her high school. During her speech she was sharing those values in her life which had helped to mold her into the person she had become, for example; her belief in God, her faith, ...as you might guess, the microphone was turned off in the middle of her speech.

Would they have turned the microphone off on Helen Keller?

Who makes those kind of decisions???

When I was in high school, I was so careful to not offend anyone by talking about my religion. Twenty years later, at the high school reunion, many of those same people that I had tip toed around, had become born again Christians and were actually praying over me at a picnic table!

I thought (though somewhat mortified)"good for them" and re-thought why I would decide to be quiet on something that was so important to me...my own faith!

I think it's important to respect other's boundaries, and life choices, and to choose, when we think differently, to love others unconditionally.

A judgemental or critical attitude is never helpful, and may stem from a strict legalistic interpretation of the Bible; a strict, overbearing conscience; or a tendency to be negative in thought, speech and actions, or maybe, just from a need to be perceived as "correct". Believing that there is one right way to live, to be, to act, to think.

The word paradigm comes from the Greek, and means a model, theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference. I first became familiar with this concept while reading one of Steven Covey's books.

I now know, that we see the world through our own paradigms or mental models. We get so used to our paradigms that we forget that we are interpreting everything we see through them all the time. We think we see things the way they really are. If someone sees the world differently, we automatically assume that person is wrong!

"Life does not always present us with either/or choices. Sometimes two people can disagree and both be right. Sometimes they can both be right but also incomplete. Sometimes there is a better way than either party has seen, and if they put their heads together, they might discover it". (Dr. J. Howard Baker)

Like Helen Keller, I choose faith. To believe that all things good are grounded in faith, and to diligently seek after those things, no matter what.

MKC

The Willows

The willow tree was bigger than the house we lived in

Its roots stretched far underneath the cement we called a patio
causing tributaries to break through the surface

I thought it was majestic

Its willows danced in the wind

There were those who missed the allure of the dance. They focused on the loutishness of the footwork

They saw the tree as destructive. A menace to the very foundation of our home

One morning I awakened to the snarl of a power saw. Laboring for hours, they dismantled God’s gift to our patch of the world

They hauled away the broken branches, whose very beings were severed from the life blood of the tree.

Its glory gone, the stump stood, lifeless, a headstone in an empty cemetery

The home, now safe from the reaching roots, looked stark and naked

Who would provide safe haven from the rain

and shelter from the sweltering summer sun?

Who would dance in the wind?

MKC

Shades of Light

I was 14 and in unbearable pain. I remember my dad cradling me in his arms as he carried me to the car in back of our home. I clearly remember, the sense of urgency in his stride, and the thought that he would make the pain stop. I don't remember the drive to the hospital.

The doctor that was called in to examine me was the head of the medical board, an excellent doctor, one my parent's knew and trusted. He concluded that I was having an appendicitis and immediately performed surgery...the appendics, though healthy, were removed. He told my parents I would be fine.

When the unbearable pain continued...Dr. Holly, (who we later found was struggling with alcoholism), justified his lack of findings, by suggesting that something real and unimaginable had happened to me, and that the pain was a symptom of not being able to accept the assault on my being. There was no question what he was implying...my father became the source of his accusations, and was banned from the hospital....an investigation ensued...

My condition worsened.

I'm told that my father, knowing that I was dying, openly wept. Not being a particularly religious man, he then did something that stunned my older sister...he knelt by his bed and prayed for direction. She said that sometime later, he walked into the living room and announced that we would be changing doctors.

The new doctor took one look at me and told my parents that the only option was to perform a second exploratory surgery in hopes of discovering the source of the pain. There were no guarantees, but without the surgery I wouldn't make it through the night.

This doctor, the one my father was guided to... was a religious man. My parents were later told, that he prayed before the surgery. Through the grace of God, he found a blockage in my lower intestine. It was the size of a man's shirt pocket, full of infection, and successfully blocking all passage of anything that entered my body.

My recovery was slow...but I did recover. A year later, I was able to return to my normal activities.

I can only imagine the agony that my father endured...being accused of what to him would be an unthinkable act, and being kept from seeing his child...yet, he did something for me, that he wouldn't do for himself...he prayed.

My memories of my father, are colored in varying shades... from light to dark...but that evening, as he carried me to the car, the light shone bright.


MKC

Possibilities

My dad was born in Ireland, immigrated to Canada, and from Canada to New York where he lived to the age of 17. He then entered the service, and eventually met my mom while on medical leave in Sun Valley. She was from Twin Falls, Idaho. My dad said he hated New York, which I believe, because never as a family did we travel there, even though his parents, and only sister, still lived in New York and Connecticut, respectively.

So, I grew up in South Boise, until I turned 17, at which time I left for Utah, to attend BYU. I've lived here ever since, even though I grew up in Idaho and married a man who grew up in Montana.

In 1992, while working for John Hancock I had my first trip to the east coast. The minute I stepped foot in Boston, I was home.

It's hard to put into words, exactly what I was feeling...but I felt like I was stepping into my favorite slippers...a perfect, well worn fit.

Since then, every chance I get I travel to the east coast. We just spent 5 days in Rhode Island and once again, I was home. We walked for miles along the rocky shores . I felt at peace, renewed.

As the airplane approached Salt Lake City, I looked out the window at the parched, brown land, and asked myself what I was doing living in such a desolate place. With all the beauty of the east behind me, my heart felt as barren as the land beneath me.

It occurs to me that we don't always take the time to think through how the choices we make will shape and form the rest of our lives.

If my father's family had never left Ireland...would I be playing in the Irish Sea with my grandchildren........what if Dale hadn't accepted the position in Salt Lake....what if we had actually asked ourselves what and where and how we wanted to live our lives...

So now I come full circle.... have my choices determined my children's lives....or will they have the foresight to know that they can pioneer their way from one end of this world to the other...that the possibilities are limitless. That life is indeed an adventure...even if they CHOOSE to stay in Utah.


MKC

til i return to you

if i could journey back in time
and change one hasty act of mine

I'd wait til you returned

if i could spin the meter 'round
and this time firmly stand my ground

I'd wait til you returned

though i was young others knew
that if i chose to wait for you

their time would surely cease

Confused, alone my heart was torn
though days were few I left 'fore your return

Yet, through the years I've seen your face
heard your laugh and sought the place

where first we fell in love

I've kept my promise to stand by
the one who kept me from your side

long after your return

And now the debt long since paid
I'm loosed from poor decisions made

and seek for patience in your eyes

til I return to you

MKC (dedicated lovingly, to a kindred spirit)

Tender Mercies

Life with all it's beauty and wonder, also has it's fair share of grief and pain. It's good to remember that the lone and dreary world, happens to be the one we live in, and remains lone and dreary, except for the amazing people that come into our lives.

These fellow travelers shine light on our paths and provide depth and understanding into our own souls. Some are just passing through and others stay...some visibly present, and others a memory in our hearts. Regardless of the length of the encounter, we are forever changed by their presence.

Shortly, after Taylor's death, I received a letter from a woman that I didn't know. This mother, had lost a 17 year old daughter a few months prior to Taylor's passing. She had two older children, who were attending BYU, and had come home for a week-end to find some level of normalcy and solace in the loss of their sister.

They had decided to stop by the Juice Pub where "this unbelievable person" was working; our Taylor. I don't know what took place, but they told their mother that they had met the most wonderful person. He had greeted them with a smile and had talked and laughed with them. He had given them a moment of reprieve from their sorrow, and they went home with hearts, a little less heavy.

Taylor, had left a hand print on the heart of two individuals whom he was only with for a very short time. And now, I carry that hand print with me, as I know that our Taylor and their sister have certainly met, and have shared memories of that day! What tender mercies the Lord grants us.

How important it is, for us to keep our hearts open to all the "very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of ...the Lord Jesus Christ", (David Bednar; Conference talk, May 05)whom I believe often works through the lives of others.

Only God knows our ultimate path...in the mean time we try to muddle through...how nice that we may find a guide post along the way...and a tender mercy from above.


MKC