Independence Day

This poem is one of my favourites.

Years ago, a woman that I worked with gave it to me, at a time in my life when I needed to hear it....some years after that I passed it on to a young girl who was probably the age I was when Ann first gave it to me.....it was her turn.....now I pass it on to you...

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman,

Not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today,

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans

and

futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine

Burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

and

decorate your own soul,

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And

you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And

you really do have worth,

and

you

learn

and

learn...

With every good bye

you learn.

Veronica Shoffstall 1971

A Girl Can Always Dream....

Peel me a grape, crush me some ice

Skin me a peach, save the fuzz for my pillow

Talk to me nice, talk to me nice

You've got to wine me and dine me

Don't try to fool me, bejewel me

Either amuse me or lose me

I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

Pop me a cork, french me a fry

Crack me a nut, bring a bowl full of bon-bons

Chill me some wine, keep standing by

Just entertain me, champagne me

Show me you love me, kid glove me

Best way to cheer me, cashmere me

I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

Here's how to be an agreeable chap

Love me and leave me in luxury's lap

Hop when I holler, skip when I snap

When I say, "do it," jump to it

Send out for scotch, boil me a crab

Cut me a rose, and make my tea with the petals

Just hang around, pick up the tab

Never out think me, just mink me

Polar bear rug me, don't bug me

New Thunderbird me, you heard me

I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

Written by David Frishberg

Performed by Diana Krall

http://solosong.net/grape.html

Hey, baby my Nose is getting Big

No,no, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie.

No, no, no, no, yeah, you know, know, know, know, you gotta try

What you gonna do when it all comes out

When I really see you & what you're all about

Black Eyed Peas

We have a beautiful leaded stained glass window. During a wrestling match it was hit and sustained a fracture in one of its sections. I was rightfully upset, as the person doing it was well into his 50's and should have known better(number 1) and knowing better he also knew that it would not get replaced(number 2).

Last night as I went out to water the plants, I noticed another fracture, but this one was on another section of the glass.

Having an instinctual knowledge, I mentioned that there was another break in the glass.....no answer. Did you know there was another break in the glass? yeah.....did you do it? I guess I probably did. Probably????did you do it or not? yeah, I did it.

Unbelievable! If I broke something, you'd be the first person I'd tell!!! How could you not tell me something like that??? Because of your reaction.

So...you tell me....is that an excuse for not telling the truth? Some one's reaction? If he's not going to fess up to something so mundane, what's he doing with the really important stuff???

Besides, if you knew our history(OK, some of you do)there are to be NO MORE LIES. I don't care how big(well I really do)or small....to me a lie is a lie is a lie.

She said I'm leaving Cos she can't take the pain

It's hard to continue this love it ain't the same

Can't forget the things that I've done inside her brain

Too many lies committed too many games

She feeling like a fool getting on the last train

Black Eyed Peas

I really don't get this...Do all People Lie?

And I lie and I lie and I lie

till there's no turning back

I don't know why,

(and I lie and I lie till I don't know who I am)

Black eyes Peas

At the End of the Day

The other day I ran into a woman that I had been working with on a church calling. She had been on a 3 month hold, and in the end decided that the calling just wasn't right for her....and quit.(where's the guilt???)

Another woman I work with had a cushy job but decided it just wasn't exactly what she wanted. She trained her replacement and is giving up the security of a salary for commission.(where's the fear???)

A nail tech I know, worked at discover card for the insurance just long enough to have gastric by-pass surgery. She was tired of being overweight.(where's the ethics???)

A lady down the street decided she loved her husband of 23 years, but wasn't IN love with him and filed for divorce.(where's the commitment???)

If I quit my church calling I would be consumed with guilt and fear of losing blessings(I know, not the best of reasons, but I have been really blessed).

I stayed in a crappy job for 3 years because I couldn't walk away from the salary.

I would feel like the biggest user in the world if I worked at a place for 3 months just to have an elective surgery, then quit.

AND

I don't know that I could ever be selfish enough to mess up my entire family because I wasn't in love......

Some days I feel good about my decisions....other days I have to ask myself is it a good thing or a bad thing..... is it a lack of self confidence....a lack of self respect....a lack of identity....a lack of courage......

How are people able to make such life altering decisions. Decisions that impact so many lives without blinking?

Maybe if I wasn't connected to anyone else.....if I didn't have to worry about my relationship with God, or money, or health issues, or children......if it was just me, maybe I'd make some different decisions in my life....but it's not just about me....so I can't do it. Call it chicken shit if you will but I prefer conscience, responsibility, commitment.

I'm I completely happy? No. But I do have respect at the end of the day....and that's something.

Below Par

My mom died at 65...my dad at 68...that means the odds of my making it to 70, aren't that great. I'm now 53...

Shortly after my mom's death, I was meeting friends for dinner at a local restaurant.

As I was carefully walking on patches of ice I saw an elderly lady trying to maneuver the parking lot. It was February in Utah...very cold and lots of snow and ice....I was very melancholy and missing my mom....I took her arm and asked if I could help her to her car.

I mentioned that I had recently returned from my mother's funeral and thought that she had died too young.....that life would be very lonely without her.

As we reached her car she turned to thank me and then in a voice from experience said: "Dying young can be a blessing dear....getting old is the shits...".

I've never forgotten this woman's graphic honesty....and looking at her I knew she had a point. Life isn't all that great if you can't enjoy it.

Last week as I was leaving for work, I noticed my neighbor Mary walking around the circle. Mary's husband, a Doctor passed on several months ago. He had been bed ridden for a very long time and slowly his body shut down. He refused visitors when he lost control of his bowels. He felt that life had taken all his dignity. For him death came too late.

I remembered hearing that Mary had been in bed for several days due to fractures in her spine from osteoporosis, so I wanted to take this opportunity to talk with her.

As I walked out to greet her I was once again reminded of my talk with the woman at the restaurant.

Mary was stooped over...her permanent posture since I've known her. We talked....she said that she was in incredible pain but unable to take any drugs due to stomach and esophagus problems. I used to bring her breads and roast dinners on Sunday....she said she was now only eating plain white rice and mashed potatoes. I mentioned that I had stopped by the other day and realized now that she was probably in bed....she said that her hearing is all but gone and often doesn't hear people at the door.

She pulled up her blouse and showed me the bulging vertebrae...I counted six. Some days she said, you just wish there was a switch that you could turn off.....Mary is not having fun...she's ready to go home.

I don't know the number of years that I have left, but if my health fails me and life just isn't fun anymore, then I hope God takes me swiftly, for I am certain that there are many things worse than dying young......

Locks of Love

Locks of Love is a non-profit organization that provides hairpieces for financially disadvantaged children 18 years and younger suffering from any type of medical hair loss.

My beautiful 5 year old grandchild, Baylie, with hair down to her waist made a decision to help a child.

Without any hesitation, she marched into the salon and cut off more than 10 inches of beautiful brown wavy hair. She knows that her hair ("it's only hair mamaw, and mine we'll grow again, theirs won't")will make some child very happy.

Thanks to donors such as Baylie, Locks of Love sends more than 1,000 wigs to low-income children each year. Most of the children suffer from alopecia areata, a long-term hair loss disease.

For more information on Locks of Love, including a list of participating salons and donation information, visit http://www.locksoflove.com/.

The Little Prince

One Of My Favorite Books Is The Little Prince By Saint-Exupéry. It Is A Universal And Timeless Allegory About The Importance Of Innocence And Love.

The Writing Of The Little Prince Began During World War II, After Germany’s Invasion Of France.
It Is An Indictment Of The Spiritual Decay That The Author Perceived In Humanity.

In 1943, He Wrote, “For Centuries, Humanity Has Been Descending An Immense Staircase Whose Top Is Hidden In The Clouds And Whose Lowest Steps Are Lost In A Dark Abyss. We Could Have Ascended The Staircase; Instead We Chose To Descend It. Spiritual Decay Is Terrible. . . . There Is One Problem And Only One In The World: To Revive In People Some Sense Of Spiritual Meaning. . . .”


In The Little Prince We Are Reminded That It Is Only With The Heart That One Can See Rightly….That What Is Essential Is Invisible To The Eye
When We Ask Ourselves: Who Am I, Why Am I Here, Or Where Am I Going ……
We Are Asking Essential Questions…Questions That Are Best Answered And Understood With Our Hearts.

I Think We Would All Agree That It’s Easier To Believe In Those Things That Are Tangible, Things That Can Be Proven Beyond A Doubt….And That It Takes Great Faith To Understand Things Of The Spirit.

I Want You To Reflect On A Time When You Responded In A Way That Later Embarrassed You, Or Even Brought Sorrow And Disappointment To You…

Did You Discover, After Reflecting On The Behavior, That You Weren’t Really Being Yourself….Maybe It Was An Attempt To Draw Attention, Or To Fit In….Whatever The Reason There’s A Good Chance That The Display Was A Reflection Of An Inward Frustration…

For A Moment You Forgot Who You Were, And You Didn’t Like How It Made You Feel You Lost Site Of Your True Identity

It’s Hard To Feel Good About Yourself, If You Don’t Know Who You Are.

Our Spirits Long For Us To Remember The Truth About Who We Are, Because The Way We See Ourselves, Our Sense Of Identity, Affects Everything We Do.

It Affects The Way We Behave, The Way We Respond To Uncertainty, The Way We See Others, The Way We Feel About Ourselves, And The Way We Make Choices. It Affects The Very Way We Live Our Lives.

In The Little Prince, The Stars Symbolize The Far-Off Mystery Of The Heavens, The Immensity Of The Universe, And At The End, The Loneliness Of The Narrator’s Life As He Is Separated From The Heavens.

The Novel Is Set In The Sahara Desert, A Barren Place Ready To Be Shaped By Experience. The Desert Is Also A Hostile Space .

In This Capacity, The Desert Symbolizes The Narrator’s Mind.

Made Barren By Grown-Up Ideas, The Narrator’s Mind Slowly Expands Under The Guidance Of The Little Prince In The Same Way That The Deadly Desert Slowly Transforms Itself Into A Place Of Learning And, Once The Well Appears, Refreshment.

So Like The Narrator, We Leave Our Heavenly Home And Find Ourselves In This Lone And Dreary World, Seeking Refreshment…Or Spiritual Understanding Of Who We Are.
May God bless us in our search....

The Inequity of Life

Some lessons are hard to learn, others come more easily....but more often than not we learn things by accident....

Frequently, or so it seems, the lessons that matter most, come from the least likely sources... so much so, that if we aren't paying close attention, we'll miss them altogether;

My first lesson in inequity as a parent came when my daughter tried out for Madrigals, a small group that sings and dances in high school. I was told that she would have to have private vocal lessons to even compete with the other students who would be trying out for the group. This was in high school! Wait a minute.....isn't education, suppose to be the great equalizer?

We lived on the upper east side of our city with a high six figure income....if we couldn't afford to give our daughter private lessons, how would other families who survived on less be able to?

Was he actually telling me that only the PRIVLEDGED would be able to have these kind of opportunities. Just how much money does it take to join a club in high school?

As I discovered, cheer-leading, drill team, choirs, bands, they all require a great amount of money for a child to have the privilege of participating....not only money for uniforms and trips, but unless they have had private, dance, vocal, or instrumental lessons, they just aren't going to be able to keep up let alone get in.

Now, as in almost everything in life, it takes enormous amounts of money to afford your children the smallest of opportunities.


Equal opportunity is a descriptive term for an approach intended to give equal access to a certain social environment, or to ensure people are not specifically excluded from participating in activities such as education, employment, or health care.

The truth is there is always inequity in life. Life just isn't fair.

Every year we gaze enviously at the lists of the richest people in the world, wondering what it would be like to have that sort of cash., while other's are just wondering where their next meal will come from.

If someone works hard, plays by the rules, you would think they should be entitled to some level of equality....it just ain't so. Many who do nothing inherit great amounts of wealth, which in turn allow opportunities for personal growth and enjoyment.

There are no rules when it comes to equality. You either have it in this world or you don't .

So maybe the truly great equalizer is death. But, no wait....even death isn't equal. Some people live to the age of 85 enjoying wonderful health and quick as a wink, die restfully in their sleep. Others, are kidnapped, tortured and brutally killed. Some are killed while fighting for our country, some by tragic disease, others by senseless accidents.

So what about after death????Will we all have the same mansions? Is one neighborhood going to be better than the next.....what about opportunities for continued growth...will we all have special tutors who help us to meet our full potential.

Well, I don't know about you, but I have a few close friends and relatives who have already moved in....I think I'll ask them to buy a few thousand acres for me... just in case all things aren't equal....

Live your Life

"Ethics and spiritual principles should be the basis of everything we do in life.

All that we say...all that we think"

Sir John Templeton

Much of the unhappiness that we experience is from believing in one thing and trying to do another.

Having clear standards and values and living by those standards are what people with high self esteem do.

The closer you align your goals and actions the more you respect yourself and the higher your self esteem will be.

Your values and beliefs are a powerful moving force. When your actions and values are in harmony, you experience tremendous satisfaction with everything you do.

Ask yourself....am I living my life....or one scripted or prescribed by others?

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right!"

Henry Ford

Bottom line.... that in which we believe has a powerful impact on that which we experience.

The moral is simple. Get clear on what you want, identify the need that your want feeds, examine the beliefs that will support and detract from that desire, get clear on your intentions, and believe in your ability to attract your deepest desires into manifestation.

The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decisions, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Do what you were born to do....

Do it now.

Life's Markers

The thought of our past years in me doth breed perpetual benedictions

William Wordsworth Longfellow

A Wedding Anniversary

Today is our 33rd wedding anniversary.....a co-worker asked if I was surprised we'd made it this long. I'd be surprised if we hadn't.

I met Dale when I was 18...fresh from high school and starting college at BYU. I knew the first night that I would marry him....I was bold enough(the first night)to tell him I loved him. Some things can't be explained.

We have endured much in our 33 years. Some at our own hand, some at the hand of fate. We have loved deeply, and loathed deeply, but we have never lost site of each other's soul. We have believed in the best part of each other....at times that has been our only salvation.

LOSS AND GAIN

When I compare What I have lost with what I have gained, What I have missed with what attained, Little room do I find for pride I am aware How many days have been idly spent; How like an arrow the good intent Has fallen short or been turned aside.
But who shall dare to measure loss and gain in this wise? Defeat may be victory in disguise; The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide...Longfellow

A Day of Remembrance

We placed the wreaths upon the splendid granite sarcophagus, and at its feet, and felt that only the earthly robe we loved so much was there. The pure, tender, loving spirit which loved us so tenderly, is above us -- loving us, praying for us, and free from all suffering and woe -- yes, that is a comfort, and that first birthday in another world must have been a far brighter one than any in this poor world below! Queen Victoria

We have these in our life as well....the anniversary of a death. These are painful, unbearable at times.... the loss of the laughter, the love, and connections past, present, and future which we mourn.

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad... Longfellow

The Secret Anniversaries of the Heart

The holiest of all holidays are those
Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;
The secret anniversaries of the heart,
When the full river of feeling overflows;---
The happy days unclouded to their close;
The sudden joys that out of darkness start
As flames from ashes; swift desires that dart
Like swallows singing down each wind that blows.
White as the gleam of a receding sail,
White as a cloud that floats and fades in air,
White as the whitest lily on the stream,
These tender memories are;--a Fairy Tale
Of some enchanted land we know not where,
But lovely as a landscape in a dream...Longfellow

Longfellow was a devoted husband and father with a keen feeling for the pleasures of home. But his marriages ended in sadness and tragedy — the first to Mary Potter, of Portland, who died in 1835; the second to Fanny Appleton — the great love of his life and the mother of his six children — who died of burns from a terrible accident in 1861. He too, lost two children.(poem hunter.com)

A deep nostalgia for his life with Fanny colored the rest of Longfellow's life.

I believe it is the nostalgia that speaks to me. The looking back over one's shoulder...those events that define who we are...we celebrate the journey but mourn the arrival with less than we had hoped and more yet to endure.

One Person at a Time

“On the day we can fully trust each other, there will be peace on Earth.”

- L. Ron Hubbard, Writer and Philosopher

Trust is both and emotional and logical act.

Emotionally, because you expose your vulnerabilities to people, believing they will not take advantage of your openness.

Logically, you assess the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and conclude that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature. (changing minds.org)

Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.

Why would anyone ever choose to trust? You choose to expose your vulnerabilities to someone trusting that they won't use them against you....a gamble?....a huge gamble!

I recently started communicating with someone....I told my dearest friend(one of the few people in this world I do trust)and her statement to me: "I can't believe you trust her!"

She knows me...LESS TRUST = MORE CONTROL

... her question was valid. I am very careful(controlled) about who I let in...so why this person?

The Longman dictionary defines trust this way:

Trust= Verb:

To believe that someone is honest and will not harm you, cheat you etc.

I've learned a lot about myself in the last fifteen years. The most important lesson... I have great instincts....and if there's one thing I've learned to trust, it's my instincts.

I instinctively like this person....I trust this person....I believe that she is honest and would never intentionally harm someone.

True friendship isn't seen with the eyes, it is felt with the heart
when there is trust, understanding, loyalty, and sharing.

True friendship is a rare feeling, but when it is found it has profound impact on our well-being, strength, and character. (author unknown)

I believe that there are people who have been a part of our lives before ever coming to this place we call earth....when our paths cross, we recognize them as dear friends....and the trust is immediate.

one person closer to peace on earth...

A Thousand Marbles

A Thousand Marbles

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles."

I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital." He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to roundup 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.

Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.
Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time. It was nice to meet you

Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about.

I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

"

Change the way you see things...and see everything change"

www.assetbasedthinking.com

So....I married a sex addict

"Your mind is likea bad neighborhood, you should never go there alone".

My favorite movie is "So, I married an ax murder....of course in the movie, it turns out to be the "sister" that's the ax murder. Well, it's true...my brother-in-law was a sex addict....but so was my husband. So much for movies...

Fifteen years ago, when his addiction came into the lime light, there was very little information or belief in such an "addiction". Many so called friends, laughed and said they'd love to justify affairs and promiscuity as a "sex addiction". I'm not sure which was more difficult, dealing with his addiction, or dealing with the loss of friendships and social exclusions.

That's not to say that more enlightened, opened minded, less judging individuals stayed their ground....(they were just so few and far between)but the lack of understanding and education for such an addiction was overwhelming.

I began intensive counseling and self-motivated study....though I wasn't responsible for his addiction, what had allowed me to look the other way on so many instances? The one surety in my life was that I loved him and knew that the man I had married was a unbelievably good person, and that no one could be more devasted and appalled at his behavior than he.

I determined that if there was anyway to understand this addiction, get past the devastation of his choices, and separate myself from them, that it would be worth the effort.

Of course, the biggest factor was his willingness to address the addiction, and his desire to rehabilitate. He had no idea he had an addiction. It was a difficult few months as he waivered back and forth between thinking his behavior was "normal" and realizing that he had risked everything for the behavior(the true sign of an addiction).

Life with a sex addict is not much different than life with an alcoholic, or drug addict....except that you don't always know the drug of choice. Just when things are looking good, they go bad. Maybe not as bad as before, but a definite fall from grace, and it certainly FEELS like starting over.

True to AA...one day at a time.... every day is a new day... Once an addict always an addict.

The best way to describe my committment to his recovery:

I have a deep and abiding faith. . . that comes and goes.

Brandon Hein

"A symbol of injustice in our legal system, Brandon Hein remains incarcerated after eleven years for a crime another man admitted to committing.

So what did Brandon Hein do?

He was drunk and got into a fight that involved six boys where one boy stabbed another who bled to death. The state did not claim that Brandon killed anyone, but under the felony murder rule if a jury decides that Brandon and his friends went to a fort in the backyard of a house in Agoura Hills, California to steal marijuana, not just to smoke it or buy it as the boys claimed, Brandon could be convicted of intended robbery.

That is what the jury decided. Legal scholars have said the sentence for Brandon Hein is one of the most outrageous applications of the felony murder rule they have ever seen. A life sentence with no chance for parole for a teenager who did nothing more than get drunk and get into a fight," according to press notes.

I am haunted each and every day, knowing that as I enjoy my freedom, Brandon is serving a life sentence. There must be someone who can make a difference....someone who has the power to bring this injustice to an end.

Please visit www.brandonhein.com and see for yourself what could happen to your son or daughter, or even to you, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.