It's a Healthy Thing!

I was just thinking this past week through...I know that I have a tendency to take care of other people, even if it's not in my best interest. It's easier for me to deal with my own disappointment than disappointing them and having to deal with that.

I try to be generous and giving, which I think is a good thing. But every now and then, I find myself feeling resentful when I see others making decisions that are good for them, especially if it involves an adjustment/sacrifice from me and I don't feel like they're recognizing that.

Now, I know that I should speak up, but I don't want to cause any problems, and of course, I want to be seen as helpful, loving, supportive, etc.


Because I'm not very good at knowing how to take care of myself AND be helpful, I think I end up trying to get the other person to make a different decision. This can come across as me being very critical...questioning, if this is something they REALLY need. The objective behind this line of questioning is the hope that they will re-think things, change their minds and let me off the hook.

That way, I don't have to say yes and end up resenting it later, and I don't have to say no and then feel guilty for appearing(at least in my eyes) selfish and self-centered by taking care of myself. I guess it's either my nature, or a well embedded learned behavior...but it feels so wrong to just say "that's not going to work for me".

At times when I'm not sure what I want... when I truly want both things, and I feel torn, it really comes off badly. I try to convince them that I really do want this, while at the same time telling them all the reasons they shouldn't want it...In the end, the discussion has taken on a life of it's own, we've ended up debating everything that's never really bothered us, as if it's now the worse thing in our life...and everyone goes away shaking there head, asking "what was that all about"?


If I have any joy in life, it's that I was aware of this behavior in myself, and somehow managed to raise my children with the ability to do what is so difficult for me... To be completely honest with others, regarding their feelings, and to know that they are entitled to those feelings, right or wrong...that they can still be generous with others while being true to themselves...that sometimes it's OK to say no....that the rest will work out, if their intentions are good.

Being able to express your needs, and desires . ...it's a healthy thing....Not always saying yes....it's a healthy thing....me...not quite so healthy


MKC