At the End of the Day

The other day I ran into a woman that I had been working with on a church calling. She had been on a 3 month hold, and in the end decided that the calling just wasn't right for her....and quit.(where's the guilt???)

Another woman I work with had a cushy job but decided it just wasn't exactly what she wanted. She trained her replacement and is giving up the security of a salary for commission.(where's the fear???)

A nail tech I know, worked at discover card for the insurance just long enough to have gastric by-pass surgery. She was tired of being overweight.(where's the ethics???)

A lady down the street decided she loved her husband of 23 years, but wasn't IN love with him and filed for divorce.(where's the commitment???)

If I quit my church calling I would be consumed with guilt and fear of losing blessings(I know, not the best of reasons, but I have been really blessed).

I stayed in a crappy job for 3 years because I couldn't walk away from the salary.

I would feel like the biggest user in the world if I worked at a place for 3 months just to have an elective surgery, then quit.

AND

I don't know that I could ever be selfish enough to mess up my entire family because I wasn't in love......

Some days I feel good about my decisions....other days I have to ask myself is it a good thing or a bad thing..... is it a lack of self confidence....a lack of self respect....a lack of identity....a lack of courage......

How are people able to make such life altering decisions. Decisions that impact so many lives without blinking?

Maybe if I wasn't connected to anyone else.....if I didn't have to worry about my relationship with God, or money, or health issues, or children......if it was just me, maybe I'd make some different decisions in my life....but it's not just about me....so I can't do it. Call it chicken shit if you will but I prefer conscience, responsibility, commitment.

I'm I completely happy? No. But I do have respect at the end of the day....and that's something.