So....I married a sex addict

"Your mind is likea bad neighborhood, you should never go there alone".

My favorite movie is "So, I married an ax murder....of course in the movie, it turns out to be the "sister" that's the ax murder. Well, it's true...my brother-in-law was a sex addict....but so was my husband. So much for movies...

Fifteen years ago, when his addiction came into the lime light, there was very little information or belief in such an "addiction". Many so called friends, laughed and said they'd love to justify affairs and promiscuity as a "sex addiction". I'm not sure which was more difficult, dealing with his addiction, or dealing with the loss of friendships and social exclusions.

That's not to say that more enlightened, opened minded, less judging individuals stayed their ground....(they were just so few and far between)but the lack of understanding and education for such an addiction was overwhelming.

I began intensive counseling and self-motivated study....though I wasn't responsible for his addiction, what had allowed me to look the other way on so many instances? The one surety in my life was that I loved him and knew that the man I had married was a unbelievably good person, and that no one could be more devasted and appalled at his behavior than he.

I determined that if there was anyway to understand this addiction, get past the devastation of his choices, and separate myself from them, that it would be worth the effort.

Of course, the biggest factor was his willingness to address the addiction, and his desire to rehabilitate. He had no idea he had an addiction. It was a difficult few months as he waivered back and forth between thinking his behavior was "normal" and realizing that he had risked everything for the behavior(the true sign of an addiction).

Life with a sex addict is not much different than life with an alcoholic, or drug addict....except that you don't always know the drug of choice. Just when things are looking good, they go bad. Maybe not as bad as before, but a definite fall from grace, and it certainly FEELS like starting over.

True to AA...one day at a time.... every day is a new day... Once an addict always an addict.

The best way to describe my committment to his recovery:

I have a deep and abiding faith. . . that comes and goes.