Letting Go

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Carrie Fisher

It's revealing to look at the word itself. "Resentment" is close to "re-sentiment" -- "sentiment" meaning "feeling" and "re" meaning "again." So, resentment is literally "feeling again." This gets to the heart of resentment: recycling old negative feelings, revisiting old wrongs done to us by others.
It's as if each of the offending incidents is captured on videotape in our minds. Resentment, in effect, is mentally replaying the scene countless times each day. As we do so, real wrongs grow worse, and wrongs that are merely imagined assume a life of their own.
This mental habit extracts tremendous costs.

After all, resentment does nothing to change the person we resent. Nor does it resolve conflict. Instead of freeing us from the wrongs of others, resentment allows those people to dominate our thinking -- a kind of emotional bondage.

Try defusing resentment with the following:

Describe resentments in writing. You can note the people you resent, the actions that offend you, and how your live has been affected.

Once they're down on paper they no longer seem so huge or powerful. In fact, on paper a lot of resentments look downright stupid. . . . These are the very same resentments that seemed completely reasonable and justified--and powerful--while they were in your head."

Look at your role in the resentment. Examine the original incident that fueled your resentment and ask: Did I do anything to cause this situation or make it worse? If we're honest, the answer will often be yes. Be willing to live without resentment. People can get a perverse satisfaction in feeding their resentments. Many times the only thing that keeps us from being free of resentments is the fear of being without them.

Pray for the person you resent. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Do this, even if such a prayer seems like mere words at first. Try it every day for two weeks and you will come to mean it. This technique literally squeezes resentment out of our minds, because positive concern and resentment simply cannot coexist.

Remember: It's not about the offending person...it's about you...recognize that you can continue to identify with whatever it was that threw your life out of balance causing so much pain and humilation, or you can decide that you simply are no longer that hurt person....

you choose to be a person without bitterness and resentment. For your own good. For your own inner freedom and growth. And particularly in order to make space inside of you.

As you choose to turn your back on the bitterness and resentment, you no longer need to use up energy to keep up those feelings. Now your energy can be channeled towards totally different - life-giving - endeavours.