Soul Mates...

Nothing is as destructive in life as the belief that our life choices are accidental, that the people who come into our sphere are coincidental, or that life is capricious and unplanned. To think this way means that we are all interchangeable, that any one relationship is just like another and that eternal happiness is not really worth working for.

On the other hand, a feeling of foreordination, that you were meant to be before you ever actually were, is the belief that gives us the stamina and will to make our lives work. The belief itself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I believe that we exist with raison d’etre (root, explanation) and that there are those who come into our lives to help us fulfill our purpose and become the people that we are meant to be. Does that mean that there is a “one and only”? A “soul mate”?

I don’t think so. But I do believe that there are those whom are better matches, better fits…individuals who encourage us to fulfill our potential.



President Kimball said: “‘Soul mates’ are a fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price” (“Marriage and Divorce,” p. 146).


“In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning, thinking, praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage, there must be a union of minds as well as of emotions”



And these words by President Packer: “While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I do not believe in predestined love. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your years and humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss” (Eternal Love [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973], p. 11).


Once chosen, our mate is not like a garment worthy of exchange. On the contrary, they are ours and worth the work that it takes to keep them ours. Marriage is a commitment. If you do not invest fully and completely in that commitment, you are cheating your marriage.

Though I have a strong commitment to marriage, and to family, I also know that mistakes can be made. How can we excuse mistakes in every other area of our life and banish it from the most important decision we make? One I might add that is made when hormones are raging and brain cells are under utilized. Some of us get lucky…work hard….and find that best fit in spite of ourselves.

Life is complicated……there are many reasons to stay in a less than perfect marriage, but ultimately, what could be more important than honestly looking at where we are and functionally deciding whether it is right or wrong?

A marriage is not a marriage without full disclosure and honesty. If you are living as room mates without sharing and exploring and understanding one another, then leaving the marriage will not even be leaving the marriage, as the marriage is sadly, functionally, terminated anyway.


Decide to commit….decide to discover why it is you are with the person you are with. Decide to rediscover your spouse.

If after hard work, honest appraisal and spiritual seeking you can honestly say that this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, let alone eternity, then have the courage to decide to be happy.



Myra K. Christensen
Acknowledgements to Shmuley Boteach

A Caged Bird

A person, ultimately, will do, think, and feel what they will.....no amount of "policing" or "wishing" or "demanding" from an outside source will change that truth. You can't make some one stay or leave., cheat or be faithful. It has very little to do with anyone but the person making the choice.

A person can spend so much of their time trying to control some one else that they forget who they are....they lose their life in trying to change someone else's.

I spent years trying to police Dale's activities. I thought if I kept him away from certain people, or places, that I would be able to keep "us" safe and out of trouble. There were actually spiritual advisors in my life who fostered that way of thinking......I have since learned that no one has that kind of power in another person's life. My "policing" stopped nothing and protected no one. .

There is but one truth when it comes to people....As long as what they are doing works for them...they keep doing it....good or bad. What ever it is that they need....as long as that need is being met....it works. One caveat......People don't always know or care if what they're doing is healthy, and they can spend a life time doing the wrong thing.

If they become aware that it's not healthy then it's still "their" choice...continue or quit. We're not part of the equation....

That being said, one can't and shouldn't be threatened by the fact that a person has choices, A caged bird is not a happy bird...it's only a bird with no other choice.

You choose and they choose.....

your first love, your greatest love, your last love, your best friend....it matters not.....

So let go......control is an illusion. Find joy in the fact that you are with someone because you choose to be with them and they are with you because they choose to be with you.

As long as there are more reasons to stay than go...most people stay...maybe that's enough....it's really up to you..



Myra K. Christensen

Movin In

Today's the day. We officially become a family of eight! Trev, Jen, Baylie, Makiya, Noah and 1 week old Haven(yes, that's the name they decided on) and of course, Dale and Myself.

I cleaned out the guest room for the two girls. We spent yesterday arranging their closet and book shelves. I think they were pleased and feel like it's their room. Later that day, Baylie announced she was going into her bedroom, shut the door and spent some alone time. It made me happy.

Trev and Jen's situation is a little different.....they have moved into the play room and are sharing a full size bed(we'll see how long that lasts). Of course, Haven is next to them(which is how it would be for a couple of month anyway) but Noah has his crib and changing table in the downstairs entry way! Fits nicely, but you have to walk through that room to get to the play room. Not the best set-up.

We moved Dale out of his bathroom and into mine. So their family will be sharing a bath with anyone else who may stop by for a visit.

The plan.....finish one more bedroom and bathroom downstairs.

The

Thelma

or Thel as David would say. Today is my mom's birthday. She would be 86 years old. She died at age 65. Twenty-one years have come and gone without her laughter. She had the greatest laugh.

Mom was definitely driven by emotion. She lived and breathed with her heart....no wonder it wore out so quickly.

She loved us and wanted us to have a better life than she had...I think she would be pleased.

She was my first experience with life and my first experience with death. I am my mother's daughter!

Happy Birthday Mom
xx00

Years of "boo-boos" Ahead

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

George Burns

Last night at 10:30 we received a call from our oldest son to let us know that Jen was in labor and had maybe waited a little too long for the ride to the hospital. We rushed over to stay with the kids who were already in bed.

At 1:00 AM (she was already an 8 when they reached the hospital) our 9th grandchild made her arrival. A little, dark haired beauty whose name is still to be determined.

I of course, suggested Myra(which was met with great laughter), then Maude(my grandmother's name a firm no) then Ireland(in honor of my father(a maybe), then India(I heard it and Trev's into Native American so I thought he'd like it.....he did.....not so with Jen) then Henley(which I found on a web site and really liked.......).

Trev has left this one(#5) up to Jen(anyone who has 5 children should call them what ever they want). I think she is favoring Haven....close to Henley, so I'd be very happy!

It's hard to believe that we have 9 grandchildren(mostly due to Trev and Jen's desire for a LARGE family before age 30).

It's weird to have a child who has more children than you. Does that mean something???just wondering.........my mom came from a family of nine children, she had six, I had four, and now my little boy has turned the tables....five children. Someone will have a coronary just reading this....I say the more the better....I miss having a houseful of love.....

I came across this SPOKEN WORD poem. The phenomena of 'Spoken-Word' Poetry has it's roots in the African-American Communities, however 'spoken-word' is the remnant and continuation of a form of poetry that includes solo acting and gestures, animation and movements in a 'pantomime' fashion that is very entertaining.

LOVE AND FAMILY

Love and family helps the nation go round,

love and family is like a harmonious sound,

when there is love and respect,

and when no one gets neglect,

everyone sees the strength that is bound.

This little girl has a life full of love waiting for her......(even if her name isn't Myra)

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall....

I have a friend who went to Park City for a "boob job". As she lay in the hospital bed, bleeding with the possibility of death imminent she said she couldn't help but think about her obituary.

Angel, our dearly departed mother, sister, friend, died unexpectedly in Park City from a boob job.....fortunately, they were able to get the bleeding stopped, the inserts came out, and she went home....flat-er than when she arrived.

Today I woke up with a black and blue swollen face. I tried to smile and the right side of my mouth just sat there. I pulled up my lip and to my horror, the entire side of my cheek was inflamed with aphthous stomatitis (mouth ulcers).

I finally make a decision, after all these years to correct my ortho's mistake(see last post)and now I look like a freak! My doctor assures me it will go away, but I couldn't help but think of Angel.....

If we could just be happy with things as they are....I realize many, many individuals would lose their lively hoods, but too, bad.

There hasn't been one surgery or procedure recommended to me that hasn't caused MORE problems than the one they were trying to fix.

evidence #1...orthodontics(twice...neither of which was necessary)
evidence #2...hysterectomy to stop pain (weight gain, and no more children, and I still have pain)
evidence #3...mono vision (irritation in right eye...it sometimes is half the size of the left one)
evidence #4...bite correction/veneers(mouth infection...and the verdict's still out...pray for me)

All of these efforts to improve or fix what God gave us....is there a message here???

The Tooth & Nothing but the Tooth

Last week I did something I never, ever thought I would do......

Many ions ago, I had what I felt was a blessed smile. Full white, mostly straight teeth. Actually they were very straight, just at a slight angle.

In my mid twenties at a routine dental appointment, I was told that my bite was off. It was causing me to grind my teeth(in my sleep) and the end result was bone loss. Now, here's the clincher...I was told that if I didn't immediately take care of this(orthodontics)that not only would I continue to lose bone, but that eventually I wouldn't even have enough bone left to accommodate dentures. Yes, I totally freaked. Being a "teeth person" (I look at smiles first, eyes second)....I became frantic.

Back then, you must know there was two theories: A Doctor/Dentist is God, and a Doctor/Dentist is God. Second opinions were not heard of. So I dutifully marched into his office, let him pull four marvelous teeth(routine for that age of orthodontics) and went off to his partner in crime for braces. Being the young married adult that I was... I didn't even feel a need to consult with anyone else...after all, didn't all my "rich" friends have braces??? This must be a good thing!

Needless to say, it has been a nearly 30 year nightmare.

In order to close the space created from the extracted teeth, I not only lost my profile, and lips to boot, but I was left with unfilled spaces and a very unstable bite. The teeth were constantly moving....Eight years later, with ridiculously caved in teeth, I returned to the same orthodontists who agreed "we" had a problem and immediately put me in braces again. Two years later I still had the same problems....no profile, no lips and teeth that were already starting to shift again.

For the last five years I have been trying to adapt with spot bonding.....and my dentist has been asking me to do something more permanent(veneers). I nearly killed him on the spot. "I have beautiful teeth....I've been in braces, twice!!! Why would I cover them up"???

"Because dentistry made a mistake...you never should have had the teeth pulled....you have a very unstable mouth, you're not happy with the changes it's made with your appearance, and it's starting to effect the health of your gums ....Bottom line...Denistry should make you happy....", he said, and you are miserable. Let's try and make this right.


This time, I did my research...I talked to a lot of experts and friends and family....I was told that we could do one of two things: Go back into orthodontics and move the teeth to their original position and then put in 4 implants and then veneers to help lengthen teeth that have been shortened from grinding(braces for the third time???I don't think so)or open my bite and cosmetically bring the teeth forward.

I chose the later....today I feel like I want to rip them out....My mouth is killing me, I'm bruised and cut, the bite needs to be adjusted(I'm waiting for the Doctor to call) and I feel like I have a mouth full of lumpy, bumpy tiles.

But miracle of miracles....I have my profile, lips, and teeth back! In short, I finally look like my dad, again.

The Universal "Fix"

Today is definitely improving.

The receptionist came back with a boat load of flowers. Of course, I immediately started scanning my internal calendar... birthday, anniversary, an argument, threats of divorce, murder,....anything that would justify flowers.....then my heart started pounding....could I possibly have a secret admirer????yeah right....53, slightly overweigth(don't think it)......well, still, maybe!


With anticipation I tore open the envelope.


To my surprise(shock really)it was from a client. What had I done? I seriously couldn't think of anything outstanding, but it sure made my day!!!

Flowers...the universal symbol of love, appreciation, thanks....with all that going on day in and day out, maybe I should open up a flower shop....but then again, I've never known a rich florist.

Remember the movie "Bed of Roses"(I know, not that memorable)about a stock broker who loses his wife and then decides to walk away from everything materialistic, so he becomes a florist???He loved seeing how such a simple act could bring so much happiness, comfort, joy....what ever the recipient was missing.

The story begins with Lisa (Mary Stuart Masterson) receiving a mysterious phone call while away on business. Visibly shaken, Lisa returns home, only to finally let it all out at the window of her New York apartment. Loner street walker Louis(Christian Slater) a depressed florist who personally delivers his flowers as a therapeutic remedy for a recent tragedy in his life looks up and sees her crying and decides to send her flowers.

Maybe that's what it's all about.....not money, clothes, cars, unlimited travel....but just the pure beauty of a happy moment (OK, so I'm a little heady from the smell of the flowers).